Seven Ridiculous Things!

Seven Ridiculous Things! (Nothing to do with Nest Building, but never mind)

It was my birthday earlier this month and, although I am far from ancient (in my mind, at least), I am old enough to decide that there are certain things in this world I need never be bothered with … for example:

1. Glow-in-the-dark diapers … ideal for a generation of children for whom every activity, event and moment must be fun-filled and entertaining. How about reminding them/us that there are a few things in life that simply must be done—toilet training is one of them. So, come on, pull up your big girl pants and find your fun elsewhere.

2. Tweeting … I thought this blog was self-indulgent enough, but tweeting is clearly over the top. Who cares if you are wandering the supermarket aisle squeezing melons, or standing on a street corner waiting for a bus? How about spending more time doing what you're doing and less time broadcasting it. The only thing worse than tweeting is following other people's.

3. Botox … swollen lips, stiff brows and horror movie ghoulishness! Come on, we've all seen those frightful women on TV whose faces got stuck—just as my grandmother promised, although she said it would only happen if the wind changed. Beauty is in the eye of the one who spent the most money … fat lips and frozen foreheads.

4. Pet rocks … (the fact that I even remember these ridiculous things probably gives you some clue as to my age!) I think the inventor of pet rocks was one of the pioneers of exceptionally well-marketed foolish products and the madness has only continued from there. I wonder, as he stands beside his lonely rock pile, is he proud of what he set in motion? 

5. Jeggings … what is really frightening about these stretchy hybrid pant/tights is that, as always, the wrong people are inclined to wear them. Perhaps it is time to establish specific weight and size restrictions for certain fashion fads?

6. Doggie strollers with cup holders … first of all, dogs don't want to lie in strollers and scare passers-by who happen to peer in expecting to see a cute little baby … there's no dignity in that at all! And, secondly, what is it with this cup holder obsession? There are cup holders everywhere these days … cars, grocery buggies, armchairs (except those in coffee shops), etc. People strolling about with their precious cups and water bottles in hand always make me think of insecure children unable to relinquish their soothers and bottles.

7. Last, but not least … tanning beds. Paying money for a leatherette hide and a place on the fast-track to cancer completely baffles me.

However, here are a few things I am willing to stand up for:

Landlines, Lego, grammar, real books, record players, Google, caller ID, world peace (of course), the Beatles, slinkies and Coronation Street.