Seven Ridiculous
Things! (Nothing to do with
Nest Building, but never mind)
It was my birthday earlier
this month and, although I am far from ancient (in my mind, at least), I am old
enough to decide that there are certain things in this world I need never be
bothered with … for example:
1. Glow-in-the-dark
diapers … ideal for a generation
of children for whom every activity, event and moment must be fun-filled and
entertaining. How about reminding them/us that there are a few things in life
that simply must be done—toilet training is one of them. So, come on, pull up
your big girl pants and find your fun elsewhere.
2. Tweeting … I thought this blog was self-indulgent enough,
but tweeting is clearly over the top. Who cares if you are wandering the
supermarket aisle squeezing melons, or standing on a street corner waiting for
a bus? How about spending more time doing what you're doing and less time
broadcasting it. The only thing worse than tweeting is following other
people's.
3. Botox … swollen lips, stiff brows and horror movie
ghoulishness! Come on, we've all seen those frightful women on TV whose faces
got stuck—just as my grandmother promised, although she said it would only
happen if the wind changed. Beauty is in the eye of the one who spent the most
money … fat lips and frozen foreheads.
4. Pet rocks … (the fact that I even remember these ridiculous
things probably gives you some clue as to my age!) I think the inventor of pet
rocks was one of the pioneers of exceptionally well-marketed foolish products
and the madness has only continued from there. I wonder, as he stands beside
his lonely rock pile, is he proud of what he set in motion?
5. Jeggings … what is really frightening about these stretchy
hybrid pant/tights is that, as always, the wrong people are inclined to wear
them. Perhaps it is time to establish specific weight and size restrictions for
certain fashion fads?
6. Doggie strollers
with cup holders … first of all,
dogs don't want to lie in strollers and scare passers-by who happen to peer in
expecting to see a cute little baby … there's no dignity in that at all! And,
secondly, what is it with this cup holder obsession? There are cup holders
everywhere these days … cars, grocery buggies, armchairs (except those in
coffee shops), etc. People strolling about with their precious cups and water
bottles in hand always make me think of insecure children unable to relinquish
their soothers and bottles.
7. Last, but not least … tanning
beds. Paying money for a
leatherette hide and a place on the fast-track to cancer completely baffles me.
However, here are a few
things I am willing to stand up for:
Landlines, Lego, grammar,
real books, record players, Google, caller ID, world peace (of course), the
Beatles, slinkies and Coronation Street.
